


This Is It

by until_your_breathing_stops_forever



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Basement Gerard Way, Depression, Drugs, Late Nights, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 17:42:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10791522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/until_your_breathing_stops_forever/pseuds/until_your_breathing_stops_forever
Summary: Gerard never was happy and no one, not even himself could figure out why.





	This Is It

**Author's Note:**

> Gotta love late night sad drabbles written by a sad emo teenager who smokes far too much and listens to sad music every day.

Gerard sat alone in the basement yet again. He had a weird relationship with this room. It was where he felt the most calm and peaceful, yet the most anxiety ridden, the most depressed.

He just sat looking at four walls, sipping a bottle of vodka by himself again. He couldn't remember how many drinks he had that night, it didn't matter anyway. 

He just thought about life and how limited it really was. Everything comes to an end, from movies and books, to life itself. He just didn't care if life was worth living or if it was better to fade away into nothing, because all he really was: nothing.

Gerard was just sad, but his sadness wasn't easily described to his parents, his professors at college, or even his countless therapists. No one knew what was wrong, or how to cure it. It was endless to him, as it didn't seem to get better, no matter how many times he was told that.

He lit up a cigarette, holding his lighter shakily. He inhaled the intoxicating poison and exhaled carefully. He didn't really know why he smoked, the best answer he could provide was that he liked the feeling of destroying himself.

He eyed his Xanax bottle lying on his bed, and grinned at it in his drunken haze. Mikey always warned him not to take too many, compared to his parents who tried to tell him not to take them at all. Mikey knew it wasn't that simple, and that's why he liked Mikey. He just understood better than anyone.

Gerard reached over for the bottle. How many should he take today? He never took more than five at once, it was an unwritten rule he had set months back when things first got really, really bad. But he contemplated whether or not to break his 'rule'. He took another drag and poured a few pills onto his hand. He counted out eight, a nice even number. He lined them up on his bed, and screwed the bottle cap on and put it back onto his bedside table. 

He took them one at a time, swallowing them with sips of vodka along the way until there was no pills left. Gerard giggled to himself and continued to smoke his precious cigarettes until he felt the pills kick in. He rolled his head back in bliss and thought to himself:

"Maybe this is it, but this is the best I'm gonna fucking get for now."

And with that thought, and a drunken, drugged mind, Gerard fell asleep, with hopes in his heart that he wouldn't wake the next day, but he knew for a fact he would, as he never seems to have the courage to stop his misery. He didn't think he ever would.


End file.
